Who would think you could still have Trick or Treat fun on Halloween in 2016? Well, it’s not easy because a lot has changed since I was a kid when you wore the Casper costume with the thin plastic mask held on by the rubber band, but I’m older and now I have all the candy!

Trick or Treat Fun

Who are you supposed to be?

I’m minding my own business on October 30th, watching some documentary that my wife would hate on Netflix and I hear *Knock Knock Knock*
I open the door and hear from a lone child in a costume, “Trick or Treat!”
Me “Uh, hello. You’re a little bit early. Halloween’s tomorrow. Come back tomorrow, okay?”
Boy “I *know* Halloween is tomorrow. This is a Halloween dress rehearsal.”
Me “No, that’s not a thing. Come back tomorrow.”
Boy “It is a thing. I need to (pulls out a clipboard and reads off a list); 1. Validate the awesomeness of my costume. So, what do you think?”
Me “Uh, it’s okay.”

Boy “Ok??? Ok??? Do you even know who I am supposed to be?”
Me “Uh, a tubby – No offense – older guy with a mustache, a receding hairline, and a bow tie. Why are you holding an electric guitar?”
Boy “Mom, *he* doesn’t know who I am! I told you the costume idea wouldn’t work in this neighborhood! Well, that’s great. I flunked on the first item on my list.”
Me “Well — who are you?”
Boy “Grover Cleveland – Rocks.”
Me “Ok, the guitar – I get that but are you the puppeteer of Grover from Sesame Street?”
Boy “Sigh. No, Grover Cleveland was the 22nd and 24th President of the United States and he happens to be my favorite President!”
Me “Ohhhh, well being a Jeopardy answer as a Halloween costume is unique, but you know who you should have dressed up as – ”
Boy (Mumbles under his breath) “If he says ‘Hamilton‘, I swear.”
Me “Hamilton. Everyone’s into Hamilton these days. You can’t even get a ticket to the play.”

Boy “I know Hamilton’s a big deal, but he wasn’t a President. Grover Cleveland was – twice!! They should have made a play about Grover.”
Me “Hey, I’m sorry. It is a nice costume.”
Boy “You’re just saying that. You didn’t even recognize me. ”
Me “Well, if you came dressed as something more popular like -”
Boy (Mumbling under his breath) “If he says ‘Stranger Things‘, I swear.”
Me “One of the kids from ‘Stranger Things’. I loved that show.”
Boy “Yeah, yeah, I know. (To his Mom) We gotta go ‘Stranger Things’! Let’s hit Starbucks on the way home – We’ll be up all night!
Me “You know, you seem a little too keyed up about the whole Halloween costume thing. Why not just have fun? Dress up as a hobo or a cowboy? You are only young once, and then one day you’ll realize that your youth is gone, and then it’s too late to be back.
Boy “You may be right. Well, to finish the dress rehearsal correctly, do you have *any* candy to give me before I go?”
Me “Well, no. Oh wait (hands the boy an apple).

Boy “Wait, is it organic?”
Me “I thiiiiink so.”
Boy “Think so??? Well I thiiiiiiink you need to show me the government verified sticker, because if I eat and GMO in my food I might freak out. You wouldn’t want that, would you?”
Me “Uh, no.”

We hope you all have the best Halloween ever and have lots of Treat or Treat fun.