I love my wife, but I need to tell you how I annoy my wife. I call it playing with her, but she sees it as annoying her. We’ll go with her interpretation this time.

How I annoy my wife

The old “TV Control trick”

My wife and I enjoy watching TV together and yes, there are times that I annoy her. Sometimes on purpose, but most of the times I am unaware of it. This is a time that it was on purpose.

Kindness is one of the strengths of my wife. She will answer the phone and listen to a telemarketer yammer on and on when I would have hung up on them faster than you could say the ‘T’ in telemarketer. I don’t mess around, but she stays on the line and tries to tell them as nicely as possible over and over and over again.

My first annoyance was based on my wife’s niceness. I was very tired one day and laid down on the couch while I was watching TV. I turned the TV to a foreign language station, hid the remote under the cushion and faked like I was asleep. She came in and didn’t want to wake me, but I heard her whisper “What in the world?” and she looked around for the remote.

Now, that’s love people – A wife watching a TV show in a different language, but loving her husband enough not to wake him. These days, I stop briefly on a foreign language station as I turn through the channels just to tease my wife. She always says, “Uh Uh, Nope! Keep going! Keep going!”

Channel Flipping vs. Using the Menu

She is not the only woman that is annoyed by a guy flipping through the channels, but I enjoy it. To me, it’s just as natural as telling a woman who is upset to “Calm Down”.

By the way, guys NEVER EVER tell a woman who is upset to calm down. You’re welcome.

Anyway, I love flipping through the channels. It’s like eating Pecan Pie, without all those pesky calories. I’m not sure why, but my wife would rather me advance through the stations on the TV Menu. I always think I’ll miss something. Like a shot of boobs or something. You never know.

Watching Documentaries

Another reason I’m sure I’m old is how much I love documentaries. Years ago, I stayed up til midnight to find out when the storming of the Bastille happened (because of Rush’s “Bastille Day”. Darn Rush, getting me to think about history and stuff). It is becoming a problem. I’ll watch documentaries about anything these days; Carbohydrates, How they make baseballs, video games, rock bands, religion and Tower Records. My wife doesn’t enjoy documentaries – at all. I turn one on while I think she’s in a Candy Crush Saga haze, but she snaps out of it pretty quick and asks, “What in the crap – is this?”

That’s when I hide the remote and fall asleep.