“I have to poop” in the I have to Poop video is a serious announcement, whoever says it and wherever you are. It’s serious. Meredith is confused with this fact, so I will help her understand.

Response to the I Have to Poop video

First off, Hi Meredith. My name is Jeff, I’m a dumb guy (not the only one, of course) with a blog. I’ve seen your “I Have to Poop” video a number of times, and first off, I realize that my wife and Mother will have a quizzical look after reading that statement, but ladies, please read on.

Meredith, I get that you think that your husband is using “poop time” to avoid helping you put the kids to bed, chores, etc, but pooping is serious business. Facebooking, ESPNing and yes Candy Crushing indeed helps the pooping process. It may seem strange, but it’s true – I read it on Facebook, so ya know.

What you might try with your husband is give him more fiber in his diet. If you add more fruits (Not too much fruit, though. I ate a half flat of strawberries one time, and I had to move all my things into the bathroom. Too much fiber really, really works, believe me.) and Vegetables to his diet, this will act like nature’s ‘Roto-Rooter’. It will speed things along, for sure, then you won’t have to wait for too long for his “poop time”.

If you think he may be “stretching the truth a bit” about his poop urges, you may need to verify them. Have you considered buying a lie detector? I think I have an Affiliate Link for one, I’ll look for it and let you know. 😉

Now, you think you have it rough – my wife’s bladder is a whole other matter.

Let me tell you about my wife’s bladder

I have a super duper bladder (For weeks, I can stand in the line for anything and not have any problem. I think I may have a camel bladder), my wife does not. My life consists of meandering from the outside of one bathroom to the next. That is not a metaphor, I mean seriously – I could tell you where a bathroom is – anywhere (Even on the Death Star).

When my wife and I go to Disneyland, we stop at every bathroom in every nook and cranny of all the parks. Every – Single – One.

It’s not just Disneyland, either.

Costco, Target, Walmart, any major or minor mall, etc. – I know where all the bathrooms are. I even can tell you if they have sufficient wi-fi (for me) or not.

And it’s not just after we arrive somewhere, it’s before we go (See what I did there?), too.

“Are you ready to go?” My wife asks.
“Yes,” I reply.
“I have to go potty,then we’ll go,” she lets me know.
Does this mean we are almost leaving? Nope. I’m not sure what she does in the bathroom, but I’m pretty sure I could take a nap and clear a few levels of Call of Duty before my wife emerges from the bathroom.
Does she solve Rubik’s cubes in there?
Does she juggle Rubik’s cubes in there?
Does she juggle and solve Rubik’s cubes at the same time in there?
Besides the mystery of what this kitchen “weapon” is – I don’t know what she does in the bathroom during her “potty time”.

We don’t have kids, but we have a dog (“Lady”), and when Lady wakes us up at 3:45 – it’s kinda sorta the same.

I should make an ‘I Have to Poop’ video, but call it ‘I Have to Go Potty’ video

Anyhoo, I feel your pain about the length of time your mate spends in the bathroom. I really do.

Try the adding fruit and/or veggies or just turn off the wifi, and let me know what happens.

Peace, out,

Jeff, the Dumb Guy.