What is “Almost Ready”? Waiting for women to get ready
and how to survive (or maybe not).
9 months to be born,
30 minutes (or more) for the Pizza delivery guy to bring you pizza and philosophical banter to your door,
32 years for another Star Wars movie to come out (Don’t even bring up the prequels), etc.
Men wait – for all kinds of things.
Men wait for women. Not just to find the right one, but they wait for things throughout wedded bliss.
Here’s an example –
Let’s say it’s Aunt Sadie’s 75th Birthday party. You dream it might be be this:
I wish, but it will be more like this
What is “Almost Ready”?
Is there some kind of system (Like the Metric System. Maybe we can call it the “Femtric System”) to convert “Almost Ready” into a segment of time. Is it 10 minutes? 20 minutes? Enough to time to clear level 15 of Zombie Island?
The guy gets dressed as best as he can weighing what clothes he can still fit into versus what he can remember is “proper (per his wife and a secret caucus of women around the world)” to wear to a party.
“You’re not wearing that to the party, are you?” She asks glancing at him as she rushes passed him on her way to continue to be “Almost Ready”,
“My shoes match and I’m not wearing the U2 Joshua Tree tour shirt. That’s good, right?”
Sigh, “Put on your good shoes! It’s a party, not a football game!”
“Aunt What’s her name is old and won’t remember any of this. It’ll be like a 1-year-old’s birthday party,”
and then like a scene from Star Wars, the guy sees a shadow in front of him breathing heavy and angrily, “Darth Honeybunch” now speaks, “It’s Aunt Sadie, my favorite aunt, she’s turning 75, and YOU WON’T if you don’t get ready – NOW!”
“Ok, Ok, I’ll change my shoes – but, can I take a pic of you right now? It’s kinda sexy.”
“(Still breathing heavily) Hurry up, or I will destroy you (or something like that)!”
The guy finds his nice pair of shoes (He wished he had a Smartphone app called “Find your Good Shoes”), puts them on, and now he is “ready to go”, he relays his accomplishment,
“Honey, I’m ready!”
“Ugh, finally! Take Sadie’s presents out to the car. I’m ready to get in the car.”
The guy gets the presents and goes out and gets in the car.
He waits. It gets hot. He texts his wife,
“Hi, Sexy. This is Bradley Cooper. I found your husband’s phone. He wants to know when you’ll be getting in the car.”
“SOON!” she texts back
“Okay, hotness. Your husband said to help you hurry up, he will start to post 1 of those fun vacation pictures you took 5 years ago to Facebook each minute until you get in the car. Please hurry…”
Within milliseconds “Darth Honeybunch” reappears, “Force” chokes her husband and they take off in their shuttle (with the AC on now) to experience Revenge of Aunt Sadie and the pureed Pizza.
Hi there you wonderful, awesome blog reader, you.
If you really, really, really like our blog I have a few requests (There teeny tiny. Don’t worry);
1. Share this awesome post to your online friends
2. Follow us on Twitter – @MenAreDumb
3. Like us on Facebook – htt://Facebook.com/MenareDumb1
4. Subscribe to our blog – via RSS