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RoneyZone Media proudly presents the Men are Dumb Podcast
Show notes can be found at menaredumb.org/004
And now, here is your host…
Hello. I’m Jeff.
Welcome to 2019 –
Dumb Guy Story
I Only Wanted to Help Her…The Diet
Diet Powder “Don’t Use”
My wife must be starting a diet. That’s great.
They say the only way to be successful on a diet is like (Tandem Skydiving) is always better to do it with a friend, so I guess I’m going on a diet, too.
I need to help her and get the house ready for her.
I kicked Kix to the curb,
I made All-Bran, All Gone,
I was a magician and made Trix disappear
I made Cap’n Crunch walk the plank
Chex didn’t check out and it was outta here,
Adios, Apple Jacks,
Peace out, Fruity Pebbles
Fare thee well, Frosted Flakes,
See ya later, Life Cereal
Get Going, Golden Grahams,
and Buh-Bye, Boo Berry,
I threw away all the bad stuff in the kitchen. You should have seen the raccoons going through our trash. They were high fiving each other. It was a carb up party!
Running wasn’t fun – at all
I went from running to jogging to power walking, to limping, to crawling, then to crying in the fetal position in the front yard of a neighbors house
they finally called me an Uber. I was only 4 houses away from home.
I need to workout with a Workout video
I was walking in place and walked into the tv screen and knocked it over Charley horse, I hopped around and broke her favorite table fell asleep VCR ate the tape
They mentioned Burpees
People coming to the door (and I’m sweaty (and wearing a workout leotard))? Girlscout cookie salesperson? Religious person?
Wife got home
Her- What have you done?
Me- I saw the Diet Powder stuff you said not to use, so I started a diet with you…
Her – That
Me – Oh.
Her – but the big question is – why are you wearing Cargo shorts???
Have you ever been talking to your lady and she asks a question that you know you have to answer the right way, but your just not sure?
Do you wish you could call someone who will give you the right answer at the right time?
We now Introduce you to the most important app for men everywhere – The MiddleMan App.
Man: Honey, that is a very interesting question. Can you give me just a minute?
App: Thank you for using the Middle Man app. Stay calm and stay on hold. A MiddleMan professional will be right with you
Don Juanito: This is Don Juanito, how may I help you?
Man: Hi, yes, I need your help. My wife asked me “Besides me, who was the prettiest in my bridal party?”
Don Juanito: Jes, that is a difficult question to answer, but we are here for you.
Man: Yes, thank you, but how should I answer her?
Don Juanito: You must look lovingly into her blue eyes…
Man: They’re hazel, actually…
Don Juanito: Look into Hazel’s eyes…
Man: Her name is June. Her Mom’s name is Hazel. I’m not following you…
Don Juanito: Ok, look into her whatever color they are eyes and say…
Man: Okay, say what
Don Juanito: Tell her that it’s not any kind of party without her, so she is always the prettiest
Man: (mutters) Whew, I told her and now she’s smiling. You saved my life, again. Thank you, Middle Man.
The Middle Man app is always here for you
Man: Hello, Middle Man? I need help now! My wife asked me if she looked fat in her dress? What should I say
Don Juanito: That is a very difficult question. Let me ask you this first, what is your membership level? Silver? Gold?
Man: No, it’s the Aluminum level.
Don Juanito: I’m sorry, I can help you… Goodbye.
Man: Wait, wait, I’m upgrading to Gold right now. (beeps)
Don Juanito: Yes, I see that you are now covered. The answer you should tell her is…Honey, you look as beautiful as you did when I met you. Actually, you look prettier now. What is your secret
Man: (mutters) I told her. She gave me the remote back. Thanks, Middle Man
The Middle Man app is the best part of any relationship
Man: Help! Middle Man, my wife just asked me if I thought her sister was pretty! What should I say back to her?
Don Juanito: Please hold, I need to run this by my manager
Don Juanito: Sorry for the hold. Are you still alive
Man: Yes, what should I say to my wife?
Don Juanito: I did confirm this with my manager. Do you see a door nearby
Man: A door? Yes, but – why?
Don Juanito: Run!
The Middle Man app. We do our best, but not always.
Dumb Guys need help, we all know that, and now help is here. There is a seat just for you in our Dumb Guy School. We will feature lessons that will help us dumb guys be not so dumb. And now,
This episode we feature Lisa and Sam from the I Shake My Head Podcast featuring – wait for it – Lisa and Sam. Take it away ladies;
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If you would like to comment on this topic, go to menaredumb.org/004 and leave a comment on that page.
Thanks for joining us here at the Men are Dumb Show.
Men, if you’ve been really dumb lately, remember – every day you have a chance to wake up be less dumb,
Ladies, if you’re with a dumb guy – sorry.
Written, performed, and edited by Jeff Roney
Special thanks to William Lundin, Brad Pogras and Tony Ortiz