Is Your Thanksgiving Dinner Like This?
The people in our families are like Star Wars movies. So, whether the people in your family are the “Empire Strikes Back” types, “Revenge of the Sith” types, or “Attack of the Clones” kind of people or the “The Phantom Menace” kind of people, you will need some “…New Hope” people around you, because if “The Force Awakens” in you, you will be tested as to whether or not you will get your “Revenge of the Sith” during the holidays – specifically Thanksgiving, or maybe in your case it’s No Thanks-giving.
No one is perfect, and Thanksgiving is one of the best times that families reveal all the “un-perfectness” they possess. You too, by the way.
I mean, Thanksgiving is a nice sentiment. Be Thankful. Okay, that’s nice, but when the Thanksgiving meal weekend/day/evening resembles an MMA Cage Match – you may feel thankful when it’s over. Not me, of course. Other people. 🙂
The Thanksgiving Dinner Interogations
All the questions you have dodged via email, phone calls, messages relayed by family members (Aunt Sophie was asking about you…), Facebook and not being around certain family members since last Thanksgiving will now be asked in front of everyone – by Old Aunt Sophie. She’s so old that everyone gives her a “pass” to say and ask anything she wants to anyone around the table, like;
(To the newlyweds, or those without children) So, why don’t you have children? Is there something wrong with you? I brought some lingerie and a natural broth that will help awaken the loins, just in case you need them.
(To those with 1-4 children) So, why did you stop having children? Don’t you want a “quiver full” of children? How big is your quiver? Is something wrong with your quiver? Note: Sophie is gettin’ all Biblical with the quiver talk.
Ps 127:4-Ps 127:5a NIV Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in one’s youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them.
I noticed that little Jane has wonderful skin. Do you want to know how I know? Because I saw on Facebook that she wore bathing suits to a church summer camp. What kind of church do you go to, A nudist church?
Speaking of church, I’ve been checking the Facebook and I don’t see many of you posting pictures with the pastor as you are leaving church as I always do. God sees everything, ya know – even Facebook. Are all you still going to church? Hmmm?
Old Aunt Sophie’s interrogations are worse than water-boarding. She just won’t stop.
Thanksgiving Dinner Food
In the old days, we just got what Old Aunt Sadie made, but now people are “helping” and bringing what their kids will eat or the newest experiment that Rachel Ray mentioned on her show. So the serving table has the following;
Old Aunt Sophie’s Turkey with the stuffing in the Turkey (That’s one way to get out of Thanksgiving; Interrogation, food poisoning and a trip to the hospital.),
Free Range Turkey (with a video proving that it was, in fact, a Free Range Turkey – complete with the actually killing and plucking of the Turkey. You can never be too sure, ya know) without stuffing inside,
Free Range Non-GMO Cheese Pizza.
Thanksgiving Dinner Prayers
2015 brings many things to the Thanksgiving table, as it were. The Matriarchs usually set the tone as what goes on at the Thanksgiving table, but things like the prayer for the meal now sounds quite different than it used to. It sounds like American Idol auditions;
Little 4-year-old Susie – Dear Lowd,
25-year-old Agnostic Trent – (Gives his own commentary throughout the prayer “tryouts”, and begins with a raspberry)
Sophie – Trent, please. Continue, Susie.
Susie – Pwease bwess the food and Aunt Sophie, and remember I’ve been a good gowl this yeaw. I want an Ipad and a Bawbie aiwpwane.
Trent – (snickers) Santa god, priceless.
Sophie – Who’s next?
The 15-year-old self-proclaimed rapper, Lil Player – Yo, Big G, this is Lil Player. A shout out to Sophie…
Trent – Wow…
Sophie – Praise the Lord :softly: I think, continue.
Lil Player – and Yo Big G, Bless all the righteous food we have here and a shout out to all my ladies. Make em multiply, Big G like you did with the loaves and the fishes, and make one of them look like Selena Gomez. You do that for me, Big G and I’ll write a rap about you. This is Lil Player. Peace Out and Amens.
Sophie – Those were interesting prayers, I think I’ll pray now. Dear Lord, Bless the souls around the table of this Thanksgiving feast. We have much to be thankful for this year…
Trent – Here we go…
Sophie – Thank you for my wonderful family, even though many have strayed from the church, since this is such a worthy prayer, we’ll count this meal as a church service for them. So, thou can mark it down for them…
Trent – Not me (Rasberry).
Sophie – May you bless us with a Republican president that will build a border wall with scriptures on it that doesn’t raise our taxes. And we all said – even the Agnostics – Amen.
Trent – (Raspberry)
I could go on, but I’ll be you have stories to add to the comments below, right?
Thanksgiving Dinner – In Conclusion
We’ve had some crazy fun with this, but seriously – your family is special. They aren’t perfect, but they are your family. Take some time during the holidays to remember the good times and the things that people different than you bring into your life (especially family). Treasure what you have (even family), because one day they won’t be there. Family dynamics aren’t always optimal, either. I get that, but I hope you have friends that are like family. Treasure and enjoy today and what you have today.
Whatever you’ve got, be thankful for that. Tell them you love them. Enjoy the holidays as best as you can.
If not, start a blog. 😉
Note: This is written as faction – part fact, part fiction. Only I know which part is fact and which is fiction, so don’t worry if it’s about you or not (Family and Friends), just read and laugh.
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